Life is wonderful, the world is beautiful, and birds just keep singing. I've been here, now over a week. Settling in is the easy part, forming new friendships and bonds... that's an entirely different story. I'd love to be this cheeky, vibrant person, but in all honesty I don't feel that way. I feel like a blob. Not a sad blob, not a happy blob, just a blob on the face of the earth. I know that the only way one can change is if they put fourth the effort in which to change. At first I'm eager and ambitious, but the second I'm out in open waters I begin then to sink. Here in Seattle, I've been able to keep my head just above waters by focusing on what all there is to do. Like, there is no way someone can be discontent or unhappy in a place where something can always happen. It is true that there is something to always do, but it is a lie to pretend that it is enough to fill the void. Void. It's an ugly, unforgiving word that seems to riddle my mind with problems and worries. I can easily put my finger on what it is I'm missing, but I rather not. Instead I let my finger wander to new substances and experiences to help make me forget all that I'm running from. Oh how I run. My mind isn't as full of the unshakeable guilt that seemed to plague me back at home-no, now all that consumes my mind are light, simple thoughts that seem to roll in with the clouds. So what am I complaining about? Do I NEED to have something be wrong enable for me to be happy? Is that even happiness? Ehck! I'm sick of myself, I feel legitimately sick with myself. I've varied so far from what I wanted to be. I had morals, I had goals. Now what? I'm this deteriorating sludge arising from the muck! Think happy, think positive. I CANNOT sink into depression here and now! I need to workout more, that's it! Eat healthy, be more active, and be more intentional with the relationships I have in my life. The perfect recipe to a happy life, right? Right! Smile Leah, cause everyone is watching.