The Girl Who is Always "Ok"

I think it's funny how whenever we look back at old pictures we look at them with such purity. Like, "this is what happiness looks like" or "I was truly happy in the moment" but odds are, in those moments we were questioning what happiness really is. I like to think of myself as an optimist, but that just isn't true. I see things very black and white, at least when applied to the character or choices of others. Me, on the other hand, I am a very complex and grey person. It's just that I'm so different from the rest. I know it's hard to pick up sarcasm on paper, but just to let you know, this is dripping with it. I'd also like to think of myself as a very strong, and humerus person whose good at taking the punches, but i know this to be false as well. I know this just  because I had to give a speech today in school and I could see everyone just looking at me as if I was a fragile bird with a broken wing. Although that is often how I truly feel

It has come to my attention that I am very much a filler. By this, I mean, I am the person in the group who balances out the crowd. I don't mean this to boost my self-worth, on the contrary. You see, I am the person who is happy and energetic in a group of sad and mopey people. I am the leader when everyone is in need of guidance, I am the follower when someone needs to lead. Any scenario you can think of I am the filler. I cringe and the idea that I can't seem to escape this moronic tendency. I told Bailey this and she said she thought it was a good thing-that I balance things out like I mentioned earlier.  I think it makes me transparent and insignificant. I suppose it's all in perspective. Does one really need to be seen or noticed enable to be worth anything? Can worth even be given to a person and their whole being? It's weird to think of some people being better than another. What are we really saying? The amount of people and human relationships one person has c